I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
