my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
