I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
