So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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