and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
