I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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