you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
