I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
