if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
