It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize