Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
