she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize