Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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