for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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