My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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