I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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