Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
