Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
