I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
