I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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