i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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