i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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