So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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