it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have aggressive nipples.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize