The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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