I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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