and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
