Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
