sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
