Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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