You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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