3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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