what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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