after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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