I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
