In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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