shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
