no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
