If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
