8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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