Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
