You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
