Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
