Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
