I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
