based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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