I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize