Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Church boner. Awkwardddd
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
