don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
