So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
