M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
