No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
