my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize