SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize