We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
