Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
