Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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