when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
