lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
