Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
