Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
