I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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