She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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