you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
