I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
